Because I own a heart
extremely flammable
I filter carefully
all that can reach it,
therefore I am blind.
Why didn't I see you from the beginning?
Looking at you, I feel I know you
better than I know myself.
It's you I want to run to
when it's raining,
it's you I want to suffer
when I'm not with you.
But I can't find you because I am blind
and you don't exist
except when it's raining outside
and even then I can't find you for you don't exist.
Sometimes it seems
that you're shining behind me,
but when I turn my head
you don't disappear like you're supposed to,
but remain like before,
visible, to spike me with your non-existence.
And if my flammable heart
will never burn,
I'll blame you:
for not wanting to exist.

April 2001