It's amazing how this world just works the other way around. One would imagine, that by doing good things, making order in his life results getting some happiness finally..
Logically it would make sense, practically reality just kicks you more down.
If you think about it order and balance means entropy, entropy means death and emptiness....

All what I've built, all what I've done means nothing, they were all based on dreams, stupid dreams, a figment of imagination of how would the world work in a perfect life...
Perfection, Utopia are all something what someone made up having HOPE, hope which is the most dangerous and stupid feeling someone could have.
I'm done, I've got tired of shaping the world around my dreams, got tired making order in chaos.

So with the last of my breath and sanity, I shall embrace chaos, destroy every single thing which brought me here, and start again without hope, without feelings, without any balance whatsoever. I shall become cold, an abstraction of reality, a void which will consume all warmness, hope and dreams.

Goodbye dreams, you who made me a perfect world, where I was happy, had plans, order and balance, where I've never been alone, from where I never wanted to leave...