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Nymphetamine
essay [ ]

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by [Lk ]

2006-10-26  |     | 



We call the angels for help when we realize we are trying to fight against the wind. She had no one to get help from. Those things destroyed her: all those idiot things she had done the day before, the month before…a year before. All her life was a mess. Now it was too late for tears and regrets.
It was a cloudy day when her life showed her another side of pain. She could never imagine what would happen…never ever…
The rain started to fall… on the empty street no one was going home because they were already with their families… She had just broken up with her boyfriend and she was trying to forget his betrayal… Walking down the street she saw two guys: one with some bags in his left hand and one with some faded roses. She saw them while they were waiting for the taxi because the rain was so cold that no one should have been out.
Walking through the cold rain she remembers his face: two deep blue eyes holding the iced feelings kept inside his heart…that’s how she remembers the guy with the roses…he seemed so untouchable…it seemed no one could hurt him and he could have no feelings.
The dark night was sending its veil upon earth…she’s still walking alone…the cold drops of rain were touching her dress and her steps were leading her to the river… The moon wasn’t there to be her witness…why commit suicide for a feeling? All sorts of thoughts were running in her head...’Why did he leave me alone in their dark cold world...should I get revenge? Wait a second ...why am I feeling so sad about a person who never cared for me?’ Her life more than loved a boy that didn’t deserve her. She was walking and getting all wet… the drops of water were falling on her hair ...traveling all way down and then again dropping down to the ground and finally getting soaked by the earth… Something stopped her when she wanted to jump from that damned bridge: the image of that guy holding those dead roses. There was no place for tears…the ground wasn’t able to eat her tears of pain. Should she look after that boy? Should she forget everything that happened on that day and live her life as it had been before that mysterious person with dead roses saved her life? She wanted to go home. She was a still alive thanks to two blue cold eyes. There was no place where she could feel home. She was alone… Her family hated her because she tried once to run away from them; they were that kind of possessive parents that wanted the best for their daughter but without taking care about her feelings.
All of us should have a place called home, but she didn’t. She was as alone as the moon.
On that cold and rainy night she made a vow: starting with that day she would try to be like that guy: when someone was going to look into her eyes, one was going to see anger, hate and frost. She decided a boy would never hurt her again.
The days were passing by and she met the guy with faded roses again. Now he was dressed in black and wearing some sort of satanic inscriptions on his shirt. They met in a park while she was walking alone looking for someone known and he was sitting on a bench. He recognized her as being the girl he had seen few days before and went to her.
It wasn’t a summer sunny day although it was June. That year it looked as if the sun were very angry with those who were living on earth. She saw him coming to her. A kind of fear passed through her veins but she wanted for no reason to say ‘hi’ to him. But he said nothing to her…just passed near her. Not even an eye look, she received only that cold feeling of ‘I don’t care about you’ from him
But why? What had she done? For her it was just another stranger, another boy that would hurt a girl’s heart, he was just another brick in the wall… or he was all that because she wanted to be so? Did she fall in love with that weirdo? Did she contradict her vow? So many questions for her tired brain.
Why were there so many happy couples and so many men that seemed to care and why was she finding only pain and suffering? Had she said something wrong in another life or was it just a bow in this world ruled by an imaginary person? She had no answer for that. But she was sure that boy would appear in her life again, and he would say nothing to her and all those questions would rise again flummoxing her.
She had to do something to forget those blue frozen eyes. But what? She was thinking no more of her ex-boyfriend. There was no place for revenge, no place for regrets; she was having a strange feeling that she was belonging to that guy. She tried to commit suicide but the image of a man holding in his left hand some dead roses stopped her. Somehow she was owning her life to that person that inspired her fear and respect, and he seemed to know that. But if he was a worshipper of the black angel she would better beware of him because she was a person who had connections with anything related to faith.
The years were passing by… one day, deep inside a forest; she was trying to spend alone her winter vacation. She found a chalet and she wanted to get inside. Knocking on the door, no one answered, so she got in. When she opened the door, the whole house was full of scary ice icucles. In one room she found thirteen faded and frozen roses in a vase on the table…

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