I swear I would have flown anywhere I wanted if the situation had stayed the same. So much ambition scattered into my veins, as fast as a thunder when striking in mid-afternoon… I blame not anyone, just life. Is it an excuse? Can I truly say that my forsaken, already predicted destiny is the guilty witness? If fate is real: you are to do what you were given since the moment existence grew on you, then can I defy it? I don’t want to resign and let myself drawn by “normality”. Just want to be different, not in the odd kind of way… it’s just that my soul yells for recognition from myself. Get in touch with every “rock”, desire, mistake that comes upon me. Still, this may as well be the burden; I might be wishing for a world on my shoulders…crushed?

Am I to believe in myself as much as some once did? Do not know anymore who stands by this side of mine or ~thinking~ do I not want to know? Yesterday I had one thing in mind: “Ready to give away the drop of breath I caught 18 years ago”. If it were to happen, would I find myself in peace with that “being’s” decision? (this is me believing in the fact that life is not as you make it, you’re a robot and I’m one of the creations with a purpose…maybe)

But my heart and mind declines that sight: you are what you make of yourself. Still, how can one be certain of this view? How do you know that when you choose right instead of left, someone hasn’t already made that decision for you? You can easily only be the factor in a story, through which a “something” plays its game, a simple toy. An affirmation that if it were to be genuine, with facts proven, I would stop my usual activities and change my way of being. ~ Why? Easy query. I don’t want this habitual life, but pure questions that wait to be answered. Probably I’d dedicate myself to 3… don’t know how to call them, so different from each other. ~thinking~ Does that mean I sustain:” que sera, sera. Let me do what I want to, not what society impels”?(confusion found a home inside my head).

The query remains: How do you know that what you do and say is due to your choice?


Tuesday, 09 January 2007

08:42:36